Penpals Never Die
by stormchaser34neo
Summary: When Kakashi is killed on a mission, Iruka writes him a letter. But he doesn't expect Kakashi to write back.
1. Letting Go

Kakashi,

It's been almost a year now. It doesn't seem like it. There are times that it feels you've only been gone a few days. That's probably when it hurts the most. Then there are times of acceptance, when the sharp grief recedes to a dull ache, and it doesn't hurt quite so much. But I always miss you, Kakashi. You know I do.

I haven't spoken to anyone about this. Not Even Tsunade-sama, though I think she knows. You know, we both knew this would happen. We're ninja, shinobi of Konaha. Death has always been a constant reality. And, secretly, we both knew it would probably be you. Kakashi of the Sharingan, jounin of the Hidden Leaf village. But I always hoped that maybe….. it wouldn't. A fool's hope, but it was still there.

You know, the hardest thing about this wasn't the funeral. By then I had accepted the fact that you were gone. As much as I ever would. No, the hardest part was when the ANBU came back, and Tsunade summoned me to the hospital. You were still warm to the touch, and I thought they could save you. They tried so hard. The funny thing is, I don't blame them. Or you. I could never, ever blame you, Kakashi. I love you too much.

After the funeral, when all the ninja left me alone, and I was packing up your stuff that was strewn around my apartment. I haven't finished, you know. I probably never will. Your scent is still here, your memory. I even have Icha Icha on the shelf, believe it or not. It's the only way you can still be here, keeping your stuff.

Kakashi, what I'm trying to say is that I miss you. I still visit the memorial stone every day. Now I have one more name to stare at, one more person to apologize to.

There are times when I want to end it all, to join you, but I don't. You wouldn't want me to. We promised each other that we would keep living. No matter how hard it hurts.

I'm folding this up, and putting it under your pillow. Even though your never coming back, maybe somehow it'll mean something to what ever's left of you.

I love you, 'Kashi-kun. I just want you to know that. And I'll never stop.

Iruka.


	2. Loving Reply

_Iruka,  
I read your letter. I don't know if this will work, but it's worth a shot. This spirit thing is evil; I can touch physical objects but not people. Otherwise I'd wrap you in my arms and never let you go. Your still mourning me, and I wish you would stop. I'm not worth you tearing yourself up inside over. Trust me, I know how much bad that can do to you. Look what it's done to me. And besides, it's better this way. I'm not keeping you from finding a nice person and living a meaningful life. And Rin, Obito, and Sensei are here. It's nice, if a little embarasing, to see them again. I'm just glad that the last thing i ever said to you was "I love you." Because I mean it. So very much, 'Ruka. I just pass through you, no matter how many times I try to hug (or grope) you. Or wipe away your tears. It's not fair, dammit! I don't know why I'm still here, though I'd like to think that it's so I can watch over you. Even if that sounds cheesy._

I don't know why you don't blame me, but I'm glad you don't. I don't think I could take that, even if you didn't mean it. I did try so hard, Ru. Really I did. But, something happened. I just couldn't make it back to you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. And I don't know if he's told you this, but Jirayia had a few personal affects of mine, which I don't know if you want. Mostly a few pictures and stuff he got when sensei died. And you should start reading Icha Icha. Read it aloud, since for some reason I can't. Trust me, you'll know when I'm here. YOU WILL KNOW!!!!! Also, I have one of Gai's spandex outfits in my closet. I stole it from him on April Fools Day, and I never got around to giving it back. Maybe it'll mean something to him too. I wish he'd smile again. I miss him too, even if he was my eternal rival.

I don't want to make this too cheesy, so I'll stop here. I'm taking your letter with me; you do not need constant reminders of me being gone. And no, I'm not telling you where my Icha Icha stationary is. It is for my personal use only.  
Forever yours,  
Kakashi


	3. Disbelief

Imposter,  
I despise you with every fiber of my being. How DARE you mock my loss. Go and die now, before I end your life myself.

Umino Iruka


	4. Reassurance

_Iruka,  
I know you're hurting, but trust me. This is me. And the next time you call me an imposter I'll leave a message under gai's pillow saying that you want to follow my example and challange him to taijustsu match. Please, trust me. I would never hurt you, 'Ruka-kun. At least not intentionally._

'Kashi 


	5. Hope

'Kashi,

Please, please don't be lying to me. Is it really you?

Iruka


	6. Chatter

Ruka,

Yes, Ruka-kun. It's me. Don't ask me how, but it is me. So please stop crying everytime you see my picture. Though I admit that you do pretty well at the academy, all things considered. Those kids are a comfort to you, aren't they? How is Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura doing. I wonder if they would apprieciate letters. I might even leave Naruto a free ramen ticket. Maybe. And I see that you have those pictures from Jirayia. I really should leave him a love letter, written from the point of view of a young, shy yet photogenic girl. What do you think Iruka? Would probably drive the poor guy nuts. That would be fun, and give me something to do in my free time.

'Kashi


	7. Negotiations

Kakashi,

Dying sure didn't remove your perverseness, did it? The next time you drop something on my head while I'm grading something, I'm bringing an exorcist in. How's that! I gave Gai his jumpsuit back, and I think that you may have been right: it meant something to him. I'm going to have sun spots in my vision forever. But at least he's smiling again. And letters to your team might not go over well. Better to leave something else, though the ramen ticket is a good idea.

And fine, I'll read ONE chapter of Icha Icha out loud. When? And you better not ask for anymore than that. I'm a school teacher, Kashi! I don't read erotica!

Love,

Iruka


	8. Success

'Ruka,

See, I knew you'd like it! And that was seven chapters, not one. IT's probably a good thing you can't see and or feel me right now, or I'd probably be dead again. More later?

Kakashi


	9. Annoyed

Hatake Kakashi,

PERVERT! HOW DID YOU READ THAT IN FRONT OF CHILDREN! I continued reading in the hopes that it would get...less perverted. Not for any insane pleasure of yours. And how does 7:00 sound to you?

Iruka


	10. Questions

Kakashi,

Were you there? I read for an hour and nothing happened. Something wrong?

Iruka


	11. Worry

Kakashi,

This isn't funny. Where are you? It's been days since you've written. Please, don't do this to me. I can't take this right now.

Yours Forever,

Iruka


	12. Explanation

Umino Iruka,

This is awkward but I'll do this as best I can. My name's Uchiha Obito. Kakashi's…not here anymore. The reason he stayed here is to keep you from doing anything rash until you recovered from the loss. But now you're ok, and he's gone on to where everyone goes when they die. Rin's gone to, since she was looking after Kakashi. I'm really sorry, but that's the way it goes.

There's not really anything else to say, so I'll stop writing. Oh, and Yondaime-sensei says not to worry, because eventually you'll be together again, and Kakashi would want you to be happy and not keep grieving. Again, I'm sorry.

Sincerely,

Uchiha Obito


	13. Finale

Kakashi,

Good-bye again. It was nice to wish you good-bye once more. I love you more than anything.

Iruka


	14. Alterenate Ending Apologies

Iruka,

I'm sorry I wasn't there when you read. I was at the memorial stone, which seems a little redundant, but old habits die hard (no pun intended). But there was something I didn't expect. There were jounin there, remembering ME! It took a little effort on my side to discover that this is the six month anniversary of my death. Seems an odd thing to remember, if you ask me. You, of course came later, and I found that letter from Obito. It was obviously a prank, but a cruel one. I've had words with him, so ignore him in the future. He's lingering for Sasuke, though they never actually met. He was here before the Uchiha massacre, and so he stayed. Rin's here for Tsunade, though sensei says she was staying for me, and sensei himself is staying for Naruto.

I have to admit, I am a little touched at the memorial they gave me, I didn't realize how many friends I actually had, and now I wish that I had paid them a little more respect and attention. Look at me, the amazingly amazing copy-nin regretting something. Shocking, huh?

Yeah, this is getting long. And anyway, I think you need to keep reading Icha Icha to yourself; it works wonders for the mind. I want to try something, so keep the lights out tomorrow, seven-ish?

Kakashi

-----Thanks to the following people who reviewed with questions, spelling mistakes, and ideas.

kirallie

yinyanglover

Anima Sage Kurai

Nekimo-chan

Man I'm like bored and stuff

ZeldaFitz

Hynatta-Rocks24

cdkobasiuk

aquitaineq

Umino Akeme


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